So why am I made to feel like I did? I don't know if any of you have seen my status yesterday, but basically one of my family members deleted and blocked me on facebook. I can't say that I'm surprised, or am I? Did I ever do
anything to her? No, I don't think so. I've always been respectful to my elders. She's my Great Aunt by the way. I took a guess as to why she did that and hit it on the nail. My mom asked her why she blocked me and if I did anything to offend her..."playing stupid" I guess you could say. My aunt responded and said (not verbatim), "I love Kalia but it was just too hard reading her painful updates and in my opinion grief should be kept to yourself, that's not something that should be dealt with on a public forum" Uhh excuse me? I thought my facebook was where I could connect with FRIENDS and FAMILY. It's not like these are all completely random people in my friends list (oh and BLM added to family of course). I go there to say how I feel and if you ask me, right now my life is pretty empty considering
my daughter died...I don't know, what do you think? I thought I could be "out" and I guess I expected that family would stick by my side through
anything. Isn't that what they're for? I'm not looking for pity. All I want is to be able to say how I feel. Personally, I feel like I've done a pretty "good" job at grieving if there is such a thing. I didn't choose this life, I'm just working with what I have and trying to
live with it. For her to say it was "hard" reading them just made me think
try living with it for the rest of your life lady. I know talking about Leila all the time won't bring her back, but to me it keeps her memory alive and shouldn't I at
least be able to have that?
On another note I think that was the ONLY facebook status about Leila that I have gotten so much support on. I guess people actually DO read my statuses. Many more people than I thought have my back and for that I'm thankful. Thank you to all of you who have been there for me and continue to be there for me as well as help me keep Leila's memory alive. I love you all!
7 comments:
I was looking at your page today and read that. What your Great Aunt did and said is wrong on so many levels. You have the right to write whatever you please about your daughter- by deleting and blocking you, she is saying she is not mature enough to handle someone else's grief, and as you have said before, going through this has really showed you who your real family is. I am sorry that through losing Leila, you have lost so many others. Just remember, mama, you have us, you have your mama, and you have Mustafa. Those are the most important people for you right now. We're here to stay.
I'm sorry your great aunt is unable to handle your grief. You are absolutely right though, it's yours to do with as you want. Leila is your daughter and you have every right to be proud of her and miss her every moment of every day.
First let me say I'm sorry you have such insensitive relatives. Second I want to say that I hope she reads what I'm about to write. Grief affects people differently and the way that she grieves is not the way everyone else grieves. The pain and trauma of having your child die is the most awful and horrible pain anyone can go through on this Earth. So why in the world would someone, and family nonetheless, add insult and more pain to this tremendous heartache? Certainly a selfish person. Why do people take our grief and turn it around and make it about them? That just upsets me to no end!!!! WE LOST OUR CHILDREN! NOT YOU! How else do we have to say it! I'm so sorry kalia and Leila that you have family like this. Through these experiences you know who your real family is. Kalia, I feel a bond with you like you're a long lost sister. I really do. And I guess that makes me leila's aunty! Know that i love you both and it hurts my heart when someone hurts you. I'm here whenever you need me. HUGS & KISSES! Muah!
Kalia, as I told you earlier, let HER live it and see how she feels...God forgive me for my next sentence but SOMETIMES I just want those people who think 'this is hard for them' to REALLY feel our lives for ONLY 5 minutes and then see if they think a status is hard to read?? Its not fair for anyone to judge your grieving...if you want to put a status up every 5 minutes about Leila, i will always be there (if im on) to support you with a heart, a hug, a smile....or what ever calls for the status...I will ALWAYS miss her with you...she is my niece! not through blood, but through love....xoxoxo..it was great to see the support, but is was AMAZING to hear your mom, cause she always makes me feel better too!! keep talking cause IM listening...xoxo
Kalia,
I'm so glad that you want to share your story with others because we are hear to read and listen. And there will always be people who are going to be here for you...please remember that. ((hugs))
I had a knot in my stomach when I read that a member of your family blocked you. I am so sorry you are having to deal with that on top of everything else. I am also tired of hearing how our grief makes others feel uncomfortable, like you said...try LIVING it!! I am sending you so many hugs right now.
Ugh! I would actually say so much more on there if it weren't FOR family on my facebook! lol! It makes me sad that this was a family member, that kind of hurts the most. Their the ones who are supposed to be there and love you unconditionally and then for that to happen, it hurts. But, you're doing great and talk about Leila all the time! I don't mind seeing them. We'll always be here to support you and remember Leila. (((HUGS)))
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