My mom wrote me this poem for Mother's Day
My dearest daughter,
I woke up shedding tears for you as today is like no other
How do I best acknowledge that you are still a mother
I imagine that I can't relate to this pain I've never felt
I only wish I could reverse this tragedy that you've been dealt
No words can comfort you enough no hugs can stop the ache
Your heart may never fully heal from such an immense break
Instead of stumbling over words that cannot cease such aching
I'll share what I remember of this mother in the making
You celebrated every kick and hiccup from the start
You embraced your swelling belly she already stole your heart
The beauty you exuded, your glow, your smile anew
With each passing pregnant day your love for her just grew
When you spoke of her your face lit up, your voice filled with delight
Your motherhood evolving was such a wondrous sight
When you first touched her tiny hand you knew it wasn't wrong
To choose to fight for her life you'd have to remain strong
Each day your bond was tighter as you talked to her and prayed
The time given so precious so beside her bed you stayed
And when god asked for her return for reasons we could not know
Through your tears you found the courage to tell her it's okay to go
You loved her so completely during the short time she was here
Your bond together will always be and that's what keeps her near
So when you long for her and cry and your heart is feeling weak
Know that your baby leaves her angel kisses on your cheek
This immeasurable love you have for her can compare to no other
It's this infinite love you share together that makes you Leila's mother
~Loving you today and always~ Happy Mother's Day ~
Mom
My cousin Ku'ulei was trying to comfort as I cried to her via text...
I’m so sorry you have to go through all of this. I don't know what to say, I wish I knew how to help you through this. You’re an incredible mother and Leila is blessed to have you even if you two can’t be together at this point in your life. Other people may not know from looking you’re a mom but the important people know and I think that’s something special. The people who know and love you and who know and love Leila know what an amazing mother you are and if they are like me are amazed by your capacity to love. Each day you make me proud to call you family and let’s face it there aren’t many family members I’d say that about.
My friend Micah told me this quote
The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understand of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen." -Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
then he said...
Kalialani, I sooooo had you in mind when I found that quote! You have got to be one of the strongest, most beautiful people I've ever met in my whole entire life. Hope you're doin' good and can't wait to see you soon!
My friend Katie said
Kalia,
Reading your letter has made my heart wrench, and I cried so much last night, thinking about the pain you are going through.
I cannot possibly say I know what you are going through, but I can imagine myself being in your shoes, and it makes me feel a little guilty that I have my child and you cannot hold yours. I wish so much that you could just pray away the pain, and God will grant you reprieve from the grief, but I think Leila, as strong as she was, had a bigger purpose coming into this world the way she did.
The fact that you are missing her so passionately, as horrible as it sounds, is a good thing. Your grief is natural, and in time, will lessen, but your love for her will always be so strong. She is definitely irreplaceable, she has a special place in your heart.
Everything you are doing and going through is natural and good. Have you thought about individual therapy? Would that be something you are interested in?
I REALLY want to get with you, if only to give you a HUGE hug and let you talk if you want. I am here for you if you want, you can say or do whatever, I won't judge you. You were a WONDERFUL mother to Leila, and you are STILL a wonderful mother, now. One day, you two will be reunited.
Reading your letter has made my heart wrench, and I cried so much last night, thinking about the pain you are going through.
I cannot possibly say I know what you are going through, but I can imagine myself being in your shoes, and it makes me feel a little guilty that I have my child and you cannot hold yours. I wish so much that you could just pray away the pain, and God will grant you reprieve from the grief, but I think Leila, as strong as she was, had a bigger purpose coming into this world the way she did.
The fact that you are missing her so passionately, as horrible as it sounds, is a good thing. Your grief is natural, and in time, will lessen, but your love for her will always be so strong. She is definitely irreplaceable, she has a special place in your heart.
Everything you are doing and going through is natural and good. Have you thought about individual therapy? Would that be something you are interested in?
I REALLY want to get with you, if only to give you a HUGE hug and let you talk if you want. I am here for you if you want, you can say or do whatever, I won't judge you. You were a WONDERFUL mother to Leila, and you are STILL a wonderful mother, now. One day, you two will be reunited.
My favorite poem called 'What Makes A Mother'
I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today,
I asked, "What makes a Mother?"
And I know I heard him say:
A Mother has a baby,
This we know is true
But, God, can you be a mother
When your baby's not with you?
Yes, you can, he replied
With confidence in his voice,
I give many women babies,
When they leave it is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime,
And others for the day,
And some I send to feel your womb,
But there's no need to stay.
I just don't understand this God,
I want my baby here.
He took a breath, and cleared his throat,
And then I saw a tear.
I wish I could show you,
What your child is doing Here...
If you could see your child smile
With other children and say,
"We go to earth to learn our lessons of love and life and fear, but
My mommy loved me so much I got to come straight here!"
I feel so lucky to have a Mom who had so much love for me,
I learned my lessons very quickly,
My Mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much
But I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep,
On her pillow is where I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek,
And whisper in her ear,
"Mommy, Please don't be sad today,
I'm your baby and I am here"
So you see my dear sweet one,
Your children are okay.
Your babies are here in My home,
And this is where they'll stay.
They'll wait for you with Me,
Until your lessons there are through,
And on the day that you come home, they'll be at the gates waiting for you
So now you see
What makes a Mother,
It's the feeling in your heart,
It's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start.
-Author unknown
Poems that my sister Brittani sent me
My Mom is a Survivor
My mom is a survivor,
or so I've heard it said.
But I can hear her crying
when all other are in bed.
I watch her lay awake at night.
And go to hold her hand.
She doesn't know I'm with her to help her understand.
But like the sands upon a beach that never wash away...
I watch over my surviving mom who thinks of me each day.
She wears a smile for other,
a smile of disguise.
But through Heaven's open door,
I see tears flowing from her eyes.
My mom tries to cope with my death,
to keep my memory alive.
But anyone who knows her knows it's her way to survive.
As I watch over my surviving mom
through Heaven's open door...
I try to tell her that
Angels protect me forevermore.
I know that doesn't help her,
or ease the burdens she bears.
So if you get a chance, call to her
and show her that you care.
For no matter what she feels,
my surviving mom has a broken heart
that time won't ever heal.
Little Angels
When God calls little childrlen
to dwell with Him above.
We mortals sometimes question
the wisdom of His love.
For no heartache compares with
the death of one small child,
who does so much to make our world
seem wonderful and mild.
Perhaps God tires of calling
the aged to His fold.
So He picks a rosebud before it can grow old.
God knows how much we need them
and so He takes but few,
to make the land of Heaven
more beautiful to view.
Believing this is difficult
still somehow we must try.
The saddest word mankind knows
will always be "Goodbye".
So when a child departs
we who are left behind,
must realize God loves children,
Angels are hard to find.
When No Words Seem Appropriate
I won't say, "I know how you feel"-because I don't.
I've lost parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends, and pets, but I've never lost a child. So how can I say I know how you feel?
I won't say, "You'll get over it"-because you won't.
Life will have to go on. The washing, cooking, cleaning, the common routine. The chores will take your mind off your child, but the hurt will still be there.
I won't say, "Your future children will comfort you"-because they may not.
I won't say, "never mind, you're young enough to have another baby"-because that won't help. A new baby can not replace the child you lost.
A new baby fills your hours, keeps you busy, and gives you sleepless nights. But it will not replace the one you lost.
So what will I say?
I will say, "I am here. I care. Anytime. Anywhere." I will talk about your child. We'll smile when talking about the good memories.
I won't mind how long you grieve.
I won't tell you to pull yourself together.
No, I don't know how you feel-but with sharing, perhaps I will learn a little of what you're going through.
And perhaps you'll feel comfortable with me and find your burden has eased.
Try me...
Poems that my sister Brittani sent me
My Mom is a Survivor
My mom is a survivor,
or so I've heard it said.
But I can hear her crying
when all other are in bed.
I watch her lay awake at night.
And go to hold her hand.
She doesn't know I'm with her to help her understand.
But like the sands upon a beach that never wash away...
I watch over my surviving mom who thinks of me each day.
She wears a smile for other,
a smile of disguise.
But through Heaven's open door,
I see tears flowing from her eyes.
My mom tries to cope with my death,
to keep my memory alive.
But anyone who knows her knows it's her way to survive.
As I watch over my surviving mom
through Heaven's open door...
I try to tell her that
Angels protect me forevermore.
I know that doesn't help her,
or ease the burdens she bears.
So if you get a chance, call to her
and show her that you care.
For no matter what she feels,
my surviving mom has a broken heart
that time won't ever heal.
Little Angels
When God calls little childrlen
to dwell with Him above.
We mortals sometimes question
the wisdom of His love.
For no heartache compares with
the death of one small child,
who does so much to make our world
seem wonderful and mild.
Perhaps God tires of calling
the aged to His fold.
So He picks a rosebud before it can grow old.
God knows how much we need them
and so He takes but few,
to make the land of Heaven
more beautiful to view.
Believing this is difficult
still somehow we must try.
The saddest word mankind knows
will always be "Goodbye".
So when a child departs
we who are left behind,
must realize God loves children,
Angels are hard to find.
When No Words Seem Appropriate
I won't say, "I know how you feel"-because I don't.
I've lost parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends, and pets, but I've never lost a child. So how can I say I know how you feel?
I won't say, "You'll get over it"-because you won't.
Life will have to go on. The washing, cooking, cleaning, the common routine. The chores will take your mind off your child, but the hurt will still be there.
I won't say, "Your future children will comfort you"-because they may not.
I won't say, "never mind, you're young enough to have another baby"-because that won't help. A new baby can not replace the child you lost.
A new baby fills your hours, keeps you busy, and gives you sleepless nights. But it will not replace the one you lost.
So what will I say?
I will say, "I am here. I care. Anytime. Anywhere." I will talk about your child. We'll smile when talking about the good memories.
I won't mind how long you grieve.
I won't tell you to pull yourself together.
No, I don't know how you feel-but with sharing, perhaps I will learn a little of what you're going through.
And perhaps you'll feel comfortable with me and find your burden has eased.
Try me...
