Happy 4 month Birthday baby girl!

Today Leila you are 4 months old. I can NOT believe how fast time flies. I remember writing your 3 month birthday post like it was just yesterday! Like always, I wonder how big you would have been by now. You'd probably be the size you should have been if you were actually born in July. *sigh* I'm really missing out on our walks in the park, zoo and many other things this summer (well my walks and your rides in the sleepy wrap). Daily triggers remind me of what should have been with us. I go to buy something so simple like toothpaste and have to walk past the baby section. I stop and look at clothes I would have bought for you and think how adorable you would have looked in them. I'm sorry we won't be getting any Mommy-daughter time together anymore. :(

Your Daddy and I were talking this morning about what we think the people we love (who have died) will look like when we see them again in heaven. I'd like to think that you will still be a baby but healthy of course and I will get to raise you the way I was supposed to if you were still here. I want to be able to hold you in my arms as a tiny little baby and rock you to sleep every night and play peek a boo with you in the day time to make you laugh. It's really difficult to imagine the possibilities we'd have in heaven. I wonder if we sleep in heaven. Do we? There's no purpose for sleep in heaven so I don't see why we would, but I guess we'll never know 'til we get there. I often wonder if you're up there with my Tutu and Tutu Nui and your Auntie Tammy (whom I never had the pleasure of knowing). Are they keeping you company up there? I love them both to death and I just know they are taking good care of you and I'm sure you are keeping them on their toes! I love you SO much baby girl and can't wait for the day when I hold you in my arms again.

Mommy loves you Leila! and Happy 4 month Birthday mamas!