Today my baby...

Today my baby I would have been 36 weeks pregnant. One more week and you'd be considered full term. I can't believe how fast time goes by. Yesterday you would have been 12 weeks old and on the 22nd you would have been 3 months old. Just 9 weeks 4 days ago I was holding you in my arms for the very last time. You opened your eyes for Mommy & Daddy for the very last time. I didn't want to believe that you were leaving us, but I knew by the look in your eyes that you had to go and you wanted to tell us that you love us and everything will be alright...but Mommy doesn't feel alright. I miss you SO much. It's so hard to live without you and since I found out you existed, I never knew that I would have to live without you. We made SO many plans for you to join us as the newest member of our family...our firstborn beautiful baby girl. I bought an outfit for you before I even found out you were a girl. I wanted so badly for you to be a girl and I thought in my heart that you were. I turned out to be right! That day of the ultrasound I cried so hard when they told me you were definitely a girl. That day I was even MORE happy that I wouldn't have to call you an "it" anymore. You were my daughter. I guess you wanted to meet Mommy SO badly that you just had to be born 16 weeks early. You came to us @ 23 weeks 6 days gestation and I couldn't have been MORE happy knowing that you were such a fighter against all odds...Mommy & Daddy's landlord at the time told us that you were a fighter just like your Mommy & Daddy...they didn't like us very much since we liked to argue with them. Don't worry we were always in the right :) It made me laugh that she said that though. Even people who didn't know you knew that you were a fighter. SO many people who didn't even know you were praying for you as well as our family of course. After 18 days, your journey here on Earth came to an end and you died...I was SO heartbroken that day, I still am. My heart will never fully heal from this loss but I can't imagine never knowing you. I'm SO grateful for the time we did get with you and thankful for all the wonderful memories we made with you. You have SO many people that love you and still think of you often. So many wonderful women that I've met through the online world love you. I imagine you playing with their babies up there and causing a raucous. You babies are all so loved and missed down here I can't even begin to tell you the extent of it. I have SO many plans to do wonderful things in your name and can't wait to put these plans into action. I want to bring comfort to all of your friends' up there parents like they've brought to me. I miss you my baby and can't wait for the day that we will see each other again.

Love you always and forever,
Mommy