UGH Why do I do this to myself??...I was SO tempted I just couldn't help it...I don't know why...maybe because I'm curious. Well instead of curiosity killing the cat, it killed my frickin heart today...
I went back to BBC July 2010 Photo Club...the photo club I was supposed to be in! All those beautiful baby bumps :( I was obsessed with baby bump pictures when I was pregnant. I couldn't wait to show mine off. Then right when everyone was starting to notice, I went into labor. UUUUGGGGGHHHHH I will NEVER get over this. I was supposed to be right next to these ladies. They all have frickin smiles on their faces in these pictures. Why can't I be happy like that?! Why do I have to be miserable because my baby died?! Why did my baby even have to die?! I just don't know how many more times I can say this til it gets old. It will NEVER get old because I will NEVER be "OK" with this.
I am NOT OK with my baby dying. Why the hell would you even think to message me and say I heard about your loss I'm sorry, are you OK?...uhh you dumb *a&)s%^$dh5%&^&* do you THINK I'm OK? Would YOU be OK if your baby died? I don't think so!
God I just hate the internet. Although I can admit it has good uses it also frickin ruins my day! Stupid facebook, stupid BBC photo clubs, stupid messages from stupid people...I could go on and on...but I won't.
Life.sucks.period.
**Oh wait I had to add this on just because I'm in a pissed off mood right now and just remembered...the other day I went to visit my boyfriend at work but he was actually at the other store (he switches off between the 2) so I met his co-worker for the first time. She was SO bubbly I was trying to be happy too but that was ..I believe the 2nd day being back to work for me and I had just left really early since I was having a bad day...anyways somewhere in the conversation I was telling her how hard it was to go back to work and she said "oh yea honey, I heard about your guys' 'situation' and I'm sorry...I know it must be hard for you...but HEY you gotta go back to work sometime, plus I know you guys need it since you're living off of one income right now so that must be nice to have two now." Ummmm OK lady who the HELL are you to basically say to me get over it. Out of all of what she said, all I heard was get over it and move on. Also WHO THE HELL ARE YOU to be ALL in our finances like that?? Did I ask you for your two damn cents?! Hell no I didn't. Anyways that was it. UGH that lady pissed me off!**
4 comments:
when my mother was pregnant with my brother i was twelve and we saw the SAME thing his foot and hand and me and my bff from then recently connected after alyssa and she STILL remembers that look..it is rather amazing that you can see this in your belly..on another note STOP GOING TO THESE GROUPS YOUR ADDING GASOLINE TO THE WOUND never mind salt...its too hard right now momma, give yourself some time I CANT EVEN go and im going on 3.5 months
Ann that's not my belly that's jus a random from google pics lol I WISH I was this far along to where that could have happened :) that would be nice...and yea you're right I will stop going there. It's WAY too soon for all that!
I was just like you...so ready to start showing off my beautiful baby bump and then we lost him. It hurts to even go on Facebook now as every time i do it seems like someone else is announcing their pregnancy or the arrival of their baby. I'm so sorry you hurt.
Oh sweetie, I don't think I ever went back to my old birth club on BBC. It was too hard. But I do continue to torture myself every now and then. I don't know why because nothing good comes out of it, other than being pissed off and sad! Maybe misery loves company, I don't know. I'm sorry you've had to deal with such terrible people and stupid comments. Nothing about this is good and something you will never get over. (((HUGS)))
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