My Birthday! (November 21st)

Today is my birthday (November 21st...just in case I don't finish this post today) and I thought I'd tell you all how my night went last night. So Mustafa had planned for us to go to Portland City Girl for my birthday, which is a really nice restaurant with the best view in the city. I was extremely excited and looking forward to it. He told me to meet him around 6 at his work since the reservation was for 7pm. Later on he told me plans changed to 7:30 and to meet him at 7. I was pretty irritated by this and didn't think the restaurant would let us keep our reservation considering it was a Saturday night and surely it was going to be busy. My stepdad was taking us since we currently don't have a car and it was too cold to walk around downtown with my dress on. I know it seems high-school-ish right? lol I think so too ;) Well anyways Mustafa told me he had ripped his pants and was PISSED about it. We had to go home and get him some new pants. Before we went home my stepdad said he had to go the store to get something while it was still on sale for the last day. Mustafa and I waited in the car for almost an hour. Now I was REALLY pissed. I didn't act like it though because I didn't want all that to ruin my night. Mustafa was in a bad mood and so was I. We decided to just go home. I had gotten dressed up for nothing! My stepdad said he REALLY had to use the bathroom so I had to let him in. I unlocked the door but noticed the top lock was locked too and it freaked me out since I never lock the top lock. I opened the door part way and seen things hanging from the ceiling. I said, "what the hell" and my stepdad had to push me in. I heard, "SURPRIIIIISE!" :D and BOY was I surprised! Everything was purple with nicely decorated...well everything! There were martini glasses with purple sugar around the rim..SO adorable...I finally put everything together [all the hints] over the past couple days and it all made since now. I had NO idea about the party so it was a really good surprise and I'm SO surprised everyone was able to keep it a secret for almost a month :) I have SUCH a wonderful family for helping Mustafa put it all together and SUCH a wonderful boyfriend! It was my 21st birthday and despite being consumed by my grief, this was the best birthday of my adult years I must say. We don't have that many pictures...I guess because everyone was having too much fun to take any lol but here are a couple...

The next day was my actual birthday and since I wanted to see Leila we made the drive to the cemetery. It was snowing on the way there but when we got to the cemetery there wasn't any snow, just really wet and muddy. We picked up flowers on the way and I picked purple and orange lilies. Purple were for Leila and orange for my Tutu. I didn't cry this time when going to visit her. I just felt defeated. I thought what more can I do to show her I miss her? To show anyone that will be able to bring her back? Nothing. I can't do anything. Today was a really hard day for me.

Leila,

There is no birthday present in the world I could ever receive that could be more special than you. You were my birthday present last year and this year all I wished for was to see you again. There were many times throughout my birthday party that I thought Leila should be here. I should be bringing her home with me and all my friends and family should be loving you at my party and paying no attention to me. I would have loved that. I wish you were here for your mama's birthday. I really missed you. I miss you everyday sweetie. I love you.

Love,

Mama