Dragonfly dreams

I have TONS of posts I've started and have saved as drafts. I guess I have so many things going on in my mind at one time that I forget to finish my thoughts prior and move on to the next instead. So if you happen to see posts that pop up from days, weeks, maybe even months ago, that's just me finishing and publishing those unfinished posts. Sorry for the confusion when it comes.

I've decided on a new blog name...a long time ago actually but I just haven't had time to design it. The Butterfly Room is going to be changing to "Dragonfly Dreams" as soon as I finish the design for it, so don't be alarmed when you can't find The Butterfly Room anymore (whenever that may be). Speaking of dragonfly dreams...

The other night I was having a terrible night. When I'm alone is when I start to feel grief creeping up on me full force again. I was crying uncontrollably and blaming anything and everything for Leila's death. It's just that I don't think I can ever accept that she's dead. It kills me that she's not here and my questions remaining unanswered just adds to my hurt. Anyways that night when I was crying I heard my dragonfly wind chime that Mustafa had bought me when we went to Seaside.

That night I went to bed hoping I would see her in my dreams...

In my dream that night I was asleep. I woke up (with a "cry hangover") to the sound of my wind chime. There was something around my neck that I didn't have around there when I went to bed. I looked and found the wind chime around my neck. I woke Mustafa up and asked him if he had put it in the bed with us (which would be weird by the way, but hey it's a dream). He said no then went back to sleep. The wind chime was hanging right where it was in this picture before I went to sleep and now it somehow got around my neck sometime throughout the night. At that moment I knew it was Leila trying to bring me comfort. I was a little freaked out at first because I thought I was going crazy, but then felt comforted when I knew it was a sign from her. I woke up (this time in real life) and felt refreshed. I felt like it was a new day and even though I didn't see Leila in my dreams that night, I had a dragonfly dream, which to me is her making her presence known to me. I've had several dragonfly dreams since she's died and thought this title would be perfect for our new blog.

Thank you to all of my friends who leave comments. I feel terrible when I don't answer back most of the time but I barely have enough time to sit down and write a post without being interrupted. Please forgive me. I'm grateful for all of your support and just want you to know that.

Leila,

Mommy wants to thank you for bringing me comfort the other night. I really needed that. I've missed you SO much baby girl. I'm SO sorry you see me cry sometimes, I just hope it doesn't upset you. I want you to remember that you are the one and only little girl on my mind every minute of the day. I hope you feel special like the special, most amazing little girl that you are. I love you baby.

Love,

Mama