My girl

Long time no write :/

I've had tons to say, just no time to write. It's February already...WOW. So many of my nieces' and nephews' birthdays are this month...on top of Leila's birthday in March. Blah! I can't believe it's almost here. Today I miss her SO much! Not that I don't miss her everyday, but you get my drift...I was looking through all of our pictures from the NICU wishing I had more. I should have taken more. There are some people whose children were with them fewer days than Leila and they have TONS more pictures than I do...why didn't I think to take more? I should have taken more...it's just one of those days :/

Today, February 16th makes it one year since we found out Leila was a girl. It was one of the happiest days of my life. I just miss that happy feeling, ya know? ...I remember sitting in the room with 8 people (other than myself) as well as my other sister on the phone. The ultrasound tech asked if we wanted to know the gender. We said, "OF COURSE," and thought why the hell would we bring all these people if we didn't want to know? lol She showed us the goodies and asked us what we thought it was. With all my "research" on ultrasound pics, I knew the "hamburger" meant a girl :) We all said, "IT'S A GIRL!" I cried, my mom cried...my best friend took tons of pictures and sent them to everyone we knew before I even got the chance. I know I've told this story before, but I feel like I have to relive that happy time in my life once more. I left the appointment in awe. Everyone else started talking about other things and I still couldn't stop thinking about her. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't stop smiling, I was so proud of my baby girl. We went to Costco after the appointment. I looked in the diaper aisle cheesing so hard thinking we'd be buying diapers pretty soon. I remember every single thing about that day. I remember taking a picture of Mustafa looking like the proud daddy that he is. We were actually parents. I took a picture of my little sisters thinking they are going to be AUNTIES now...WOW.

Now everything is as it was before. I'm no longer a parent...they're no longer aunties (to a living niece anyways). I just need to cry right now.

Leila,

I can't believe our special days are passing us by. It's been a year since we found out you were a girl and soon it will be your 1st birthday, then your first holiday (Easter) and the list goes on...I don't know how I've "lived" this long without you. I can't believe it's back to business as usual and I have to continue to go to school, work, etc. while you lay in the ground. I can't wrap my head around it...still. I just miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I can't say it enough.......

Mommy loves you Leila.