Just like that

The world comes crashing down on me again...just like that. Grief has ahold of me today. Nearly 3 years later and this news still affects me just as it did when I first lost her. I thought I could handle it, but I can't. I try to be happy for others but my grief just won't let me. Just like that I'm back at square one trying to sort out my feelings and come to a conclusion. One of these days I just want to be at peace with everything and everyone around me. I hate this feeling of jealousy, envy and just pure sorrow. At the end of the day I have to realize I still don't have my baby and it will be long before I ever do again. She's never coming back no matter how hard I wish it to be true. No matter how hard I try to stay positive I just can't see the light at the end of this tunnel. It hurts so bad I can't even describe the pain I feel. All the love in the world couldn't make me feel better today...and that fucking sucks. Days like these I wish I could just sit at her grave and wail so loudly and forget the fact that people think I should have moved on by now. I just need to be near her. My heart aches today...so bad. On that note I have nothing more to say...